Monday, February 11, 2013


I don’t want to make dinner so I boiled some eggs.  Kids: you are in charge.  Peel your own egg, be nourished, grab a book, watch a movie or play.  Mama needs to write.  Mama needs to get it all out of her head.  

The hurts, the hopes, the prayers, the worries, the anger, the frustration, the guilt, the self loathing (sheesh), the sorrow, the grief, the end.  Making room for good stuff up in here!  Eat the egg, let Mama write.  Let me type and make mistakes on the keyboard, they’re easier to fix.  Let me vent in black and white because it doesn't cry when I yell.  

Let me rest and give all the worry to God so that I can focus again.  Focus on the truth, not on my own miserable rendition of right.  Focus on reality, not on my shattered selfish dreams.  Focus on grace, not on demanding respect.  Focus on helping you learn through your mistakes, not simply pointing them out and making you deflate.  Focus on giving you what you need, not what you want. Focus on filling in the blanks I've left with the promises of God.  Focus on praying, not worrying.

Dishes are done, thank God for my kids.  Books are being read, thank God for my kids.  Movies are enjoyed, thank God for my kids.  Laughter is heard, thank God for my kids.  Tender hearts move me, thank God for my kids.  Eggs are eaten, thank God for my kids.  Epic movie songs play loud, thank God for my kids.  I am now a teacher, thank God for my kids.  I have something to write about, thank God for my kids.

How quickly the sour turns sweet.  Eggs are in bellies, black is on white, and now the evening commences with a card game…with my kids.  Prayers have been said, thank God for Jesus.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. Psalm 28:7

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