Friday, December 9, 2011

Grace

My lack of experience is what makes me a good mom. I can say “I’m sorry” with conviction after I have hollered, yelled, spewed angry lashes at my tender babes. My inability to be perfect provides the perfect platform for displaying grace.

I am side swiped by my own lack of self-control in the midst of requiring perfection from my young lamb, and I grieve for the loss of a moment in which I had the opportunity to display a godly example. As swift as I grieve for that moment, another one replaces it; a moment of grace.

I grab my tender yearling with weak arms, set him on my lap, and hug him. With every breath more tears drop from my cheek to his shirt. I breathe deep, silently asking for God’s grace in my moment of fragile anger, and I ask for forgiveness. “It’s ok” is his reply.

My son, it’s not okay what I did. It’s not okay that I let loose my tongue and breathed fiery words of disapproval at your lack of perfection.

The forgiveness I receive from my child is quick, swift, and soothing as a balm.

The grace is misplaced, it feels like.

I am wrong again. This, this hug, this moment, this breath, these tears, those words…this is being a Mom.

Again…grace.

My imperfection, his imperfection; we live together in the ebb and flow.

On, off, on, off,
yes, no, yes, no,
I can’t, I’ll try, I did,
what’s next, here it comes,
start over, please,
now,
on, off, on, off…

Together we experience grace. My lack of experience as the Perfect Mom brings rise to the opportunity to do so.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10

"At this hour we rest in the promises of our faithful God, knowing that His words are full of truth and power; we rest in the doctrines of His word, which are consolation itself; we rest in the covenant of His grace, which is a haven of delight." -Charles Spurgeon

2 comments:

Tammy said...

Oh how I continue to be amazed at the journey that He has us on. Each on our individual journey, yet they are running parallel. I so know this which you are talking about. Loving you, your encouragement for today, and, praying for us both as we travel this parenting road as it challenges us in our character and who we are in Him.

Love you,
Tammy

Kaeli said...

I have to admit, I cried while reading this. You are such a wonderful mother and an inspiration to me. I love you.