Friday, February 19, 2010

Book Teaser

The music was over and Reverend Graham took the stage. He was old, confident, and purposeful in sharing the hope of salvation in Christ. He quoted famous person after famous person, speaking of the vast abyss that takes over the heart of someone who seeks a self indulgent life. I listened as he outlined the simple faith of a believer. Then he called. Not the Reverend, but Christ. I felt my heart break into a million fragments, and then I felt the warmth of His love. The love that I had heard about suddenly became so overwhelming and I thought “How can I deny the truth?” I was created by a perfect God, I was a sinner, I was lost, and the light of His forgiveness through Christ was beckoning me to live in His grace. I was free.

I sat there, silently lapping up the action around me. My eyes danced around the stadium, my lips parted slightly as a smile crept upon my mouth, my breath came in crashing waves and my body started to tremble with fear. Anger and rage flushed out my toes while calm elation washed over my head. I felt as though I would explode from the conflict of emotion in my core. Not wanting the strangers around me to see me moving, I tried to stop my legs from stretching my body upward, out of my seat, but I did so to no avail. Then it all became clear.

This is it. This is what I’ve heard about, this is God. Involuntarily I rushed down the aisle to the stadium floor through throngs of people, lost and found alike…where do I go? What do I do? I continue to search with my eyes as my heart clings to the words I just heard, the truth I just caught a glimpse of. My smile has grown as is now streaked with tears. Finding no arms to hold me I stop and stand alone in the crowd. Sobs of fear become an earthquake of suffering released. My body shakes, my eyes stream, my hands cover my face trying to hide the glow that I fear would bring too much attention. I relent and let all my inhibitions fall to my feet as the shuddering continues. Fear gives way to a flood of silent contentment in my mind; adoration starts to flow from my chest, as if my heart had exploded from being filled to capacity with hope. Hope I had never known until now. The waves of breath fill my body with assurance, and my confidence in this moment grows stronger.

I became more sure of it with every breath, every tear, every blink. The scales had fallen from my eyes and I saw the depth of His love for me. In that moment I met God.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Getting Over It

WOW. Not with an exclamation point....that period is there for a reason. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's what goes through my mind when I think about "What just happened?"
The whirlwind of mental torment ensues. The questions, the attempts at reasoning, the feebleness of wishing for a do-over. Time and truth seem to be the only security at times like those. Time is like that sliver of "blankie" from childhood that brings comfort from memories but does little for soothing the stinging chill of a painful experience. That's where truth takes over, and wraps itself around me, bringing a peace that erases the lost hope, and replaces it with unexplainable joy.
Yup...joy. WOW! JOY! Exclamation point intended! And while I sit and joyously revel in the truth, I realize that I am seperated. While I am most intimately connected to my creator I am ripped apart from those who don't know Him. Ouch. It hurts... I know that God is good and right and true, and that He is my Father, Creator, Counselor, Hope, and source of strength... but...but...but...what about them? What about those who deny Him, who mock and ridicule me as I cling to the One who is my All in All?
I love them, He loves them...why does following Him require me to separate from them? How do I keep that little string of attachment so that I can share in the Love of Christ? How do I keep that relationship so that they see Him? Is "leaving" them to follow Him the only choice I have?
And the torment continues. Time and truth. Him. I cling to Him as the torture in my heart rages. I am urged to stay quiet, to seek Him, to pray, and to hope that His calling will take hold of their hearts.

Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:6-10

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

New Motivation

As I was perusing the web for fantastic and wonderful things that can either encourage or make me smile I found one that did both. It's a quote from an author that a great friend of mine has listed on her profile on Facebook. I have never heard of this author, though her quotes are witty and bright....as well as thought provoking and grim. This one is a little of it all:

"Finish. The difference between being a writer and being a person of talent is the discipline it takes to apply the seat of your pants to the seat of your chair and finish. Don't talk about doing it. Do it. Finish."
— E.L. Konigsburg

That's it. That's my new motivation. It's not that I necessarily have a book I am going to write...it's that I do a lot of talking. I need to make the time and space in my brain for doing that which I "hope" to do, or think that I would do well at.
So as for the lists that wrap their tentacles around my brain, they shall no longer choke the life out of my gift! I will apply the seat of my pants to the seat of my chair! I will do that which I had previously only thought of, and finish.

The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
Proverbs 14:1