WOW. Not with an exclamation point....that period is there for a reason. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's what goes through my mind when I think about "What just happened?"
The whirlwind of mental torment ensues. The questions, the attempts at reasoning, the feebleness of wishing for a do-over. Time and truth seem to be the only security at times like those. Time is like that sliver of "blankie" from childhood that brings comfort from memories but does little for soothing the stinging chill of a painful experience. That's where truth takes over, and wraps itself around me, bringing a peace that erases the lost hope, and replaces it with unexplainable joy.
Yup...joy. WOW! JOY! Exclamation point intended! And while I sit and joyously revel in the truth, I realize that I am seperated. While I am most intimately connected to my creator I am ripped apart from those who don't know Him. Ouch. It hurts... I know that God is good and right and true, and that He is my Father, Creator, Counselor, Hope, and source of strength... but...but...but...what about them? What about those who deny Him, who mock and ridicule me as I cling to the One who is my All in All?
I love them, He loves them...why does following Him require me to separate from them? How do I keep that little string of attachment so that I can share in the Love of Christ? How do I keep that relationship so that they see Him? Is "leaving" them to follow Him the only choice I have?
And the torment continues. Time and truth. Him. I cling to Him as the torture in my heart rages. I am urged to stay quiet, to seek Him, to pray, and to hope that His calling will take hold of their hearts.
Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:6-10