Friday, September 19, 2008

Beautiful Words

Wow, I guess I needed a couple of weeks to let the last post soak in my veins. Mmmmm, happiness (for me) is realizing the hard stuff is still just stuff. It all still takes time, it all still gives us something, and it all still doesn't last forever.

On the note of words, I am coming to appreciate more and more the power of my own words that I acctually speak. I can type and rant and write and journal all I want, but until I actually utter the words so they are audible (and not just talking out loud to myself) do they really make an impact.

Now, I am not excusing any purpose in writing, or the influence it has on others....I am talking about the impact it has on me. Yes, not you...me. Even though life is not all about me (insert smart comment here) I still live here on this Earth, in this body, with this brain, including the damage, the dreams, the drama.

And words that I speak are making a difference in my life. Confession time: I have an anger issue, with which harsh words (and attitudes, facial expressions, gestures, etc.) come with. It seems that there is a way that I can say it's due to my upbringing, or my heritage, blood line, chemical make up....but I still need to learn how to handle myself. And so, I have learned that the slower I speak, the more time I take to speak, and the less I say....the more the words become beautiful.

Yes, beautiful. Graceful, peaceful, encouraging, loving, beyond my circumstance. The more I learn how to speak from the words the Lord provides in His word (yes, the bible), the more I learn that I am being changed from the inside out. My character is being stretched, my mind is being renewed, and my being is cared for by the master of beautiful words. Mmmmm, I love the truth of His mercy for us, peace given to us, and patience with us....and it urges me to grasp to the beautiful words of encouragement that He is sufficient in my weekness....and pass them on.

Know this, my beloved brothers (sisters): let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all fithiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
James 1: 19-21

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Happy Birthday Jack

I miss you. I hope your eighth birthday was super fun for you...I thought about you all day, praying for you and remembering when you were born. You were cuter than cute...quiet and still. Long fingers and spindly body covered with the simple white hospital shirt. I recall the memory with ease, and it makes me smile...and cry.

I wonder if you still like trains, or if you're too "big" for them. Do you like to build things? What is your favorite color? Do you like to eat broccoli? Who is your favorite friend to play with?

I know that the Lord has His hand on you, taking care of you and watching over you. I know that your Mom and Dad give you the love, tender care, and teaching moments you need. But I still miss you, and I still wonder, and I still pray...

I pray that someday I will meet you and you will think I'm silly and laugh at me. I pray that you will know me as the tummy mommy that loves you more than you can comprehend. I pray that you will grow up into a handsome young man that is challenged to work hard for the things that really matter, and that you will meet the Lord and call Him Abba, Father. I pray that your family is blessed beyond man's simple understanding of blessings, and that your lineage is touched by God's guidance, grace, hope and peace.

I pray for all of this because my arms are empty for you, while my heart overflows. Jack, may your life be great and good and touched by God.

Love,
Tummy Mommy Tiffany

P.S. Eight years ago, today, I gave birth to an 8 lbs 1 oz baby boy at 5:24 p.m. The next evening, around the same time, I had the honor of blessing a family who couldn't have children with their first, and only, son. I could not give the little boy the things he needed, and I chose to give him the chance to have what lacked in my life...father's arms to rest in.
I have a Daddy whom I have not lived with since I was around 2, and I have a beautiful relationship with him now. But growing up, I didn't have a father to stear me in the right direction every day. I know the consequences of taking that variable out of the equation...well, if you want to know more about it, maybe I'll write a book...
Just wanted to make a note to those who aren't familiar with the circumstance.

A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation.
Psalm 68:5

Monday, September 1, 2008

Relative Time

Okay, so August is not on my calendar anymore. I cut it out, off, whatever...it's gone now. So, according to me, I have only taken one week to not write! See how that works? Time is relative.

Speaking of relatives, for all of you that are in my family tree: hello! It's been too long since we last spoke, or hugged, or laughed together. And you need to know you are missed. I'm not sure if there will ever be a day in my life where I feel as though I have communicated sufficiently with those I love, family or not.

So what is the happy thought of today? Time. Wonderful time. Disastrous time. Too much can cause insanity, too little can do the same. Although, lately I have had the opportunity to take time and invest it. The turn around and yield on this investment has been dramatic....and for those of you who have any hesitation of making the same investment, don't hesitate!

Time spent with the people we love, and the people we know love us, has a way of supplying us with an immeasurable amount of sustainability. The Lord infiltrates the time and seems to fill in the blanks with jet puffed goodness, providing our lives with sweet mercy and warm gooey smiles. Memories plump with endorphins that are triggered and released when we recall the time we invested.

The relationships and moments I've been investing in have been multiplying the blessings in my life. Grace to make mistakes and still have a smile on my face, joy in experiencing an unexpected blessing, and peace with the encouragement to trust the Lord. Now if that's not something to be happy about, to smile about, and to help the days go by smoother, then I'm not sure what would.

I do know that for all of those that touch my life by one degree or another, I hope that any time spent around me causes you to smile and see joy in everyday...and if it doesn't, then slap me upside the head and tell me so! Those are the times that I need more often! The ones I love telling me like it is, and puttin' me straight back to where I'm looking up at the Lord rather than my own piddly little circumstance. Amen? Amen!

So, here's to a day brimming with blessings from the Lord, time spent with Him, with your loved ones, and to the precious moments that give us warm fuzzy giggles...and the time to take it all in!

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:5-8